Life is so tired

I never forgot how we were.
It's sort of like headlights passing by on the highway at night. All red and gold streaking by. Burnt into the back of the eyes.
Heedless laughter rumbles ghostly in the passenger seat, and I suddenly forget how to drive.
It's no wonder, to me, there are so many fatal collisions when it's so easy to find the old laughter and lights on the road.

My stomach is full, but my belly is empty

When did I become... this?
I feel the need to close my eyes as tight as I can
until the faraway rumbling I hear rips me away from whatever life this is.

"Orchestral music plays when your heart's breaking..."

We live in a world where we are stronger, more resolved in our dreams.

I want to look at you and say

"I'm gone",

but I cannot.

I think it is something in your eyes that halts me.

I think you already know.

I am terrified that you already know.

Today, I Stagnate. Tomorrow, I Break.

I am lying on the floor next to my bed.

The air is dry, and it sears my throat as I drink in oxygen. It is stagnant, wallowing in itself for days, unmoved. I feel dust caked inside my esophagus.

I slump, contemplating the stars hidden behind the ceiling. Just out of reach.
If I broke a hole through the roof, would I see them?

After living for so long, I have come only to focus on the slate of emptiness between each pinprick of brightness. No, I am blind to seeing the stars.

And I slump, contemplating what you and I have become. Left behind.
If I broke down your door and confessed myself, would you see me?

After distance, and trial, and being away and being gone and being invisible, there is left only a slate of emptiness between two pinpricks of brightness.

No...

No, you are blind to seeing me.

I am lying on the floor next to my bed, waiting.

You left your keys in the bowl by the door, there is a sandwich in the fridge for your lunch

I am behind on everything in my life.
Last-week due-date essays. My teachers were nice enough to give me extensions. Even with their generosity, I still won't complete the papers.
I have yet to open a bank account in this newest town. I am leeching off of my parents, like I always have. They're too pious to let on that they know I'm taking from them. But they know.
I meant to talk to someone new today. I guess I must've forgot. I meant to live anything at all. I meant to have my heart broken, or fall in love, or be a dastard or a duke, today.
I guess I must've forgot to wrestle myself to sleep before one in the morning.
I must've forgot to wake up today.
I must've forgot where I was planning on going, or I got lost along the way.
Maybe if I go nowhere at all, I'll finally remember where I set off to be in the first place.

Your Ghost is Right by My Side

'Cause I don't deserve you

Not even for a moment

Not even for a second

Will I ever be saved?

My luck's out to get me

and you know, you know

You know it's gonna succeed

How will I survive this fucking week alone?

w e g e t l o s t i n t h e w o r l d

You like tattoos and piercings and hair past the shoulders, but I don't have any of those things.
You like when a man can attract everyone's eyes with his easy laughter and pearly teeth, but I cover my mouth when I smile and don't like attention.
You like men that smoke cigarettes, but you won't admit it.
You like men that stake their claim in the world that I would rather share.


I went outside at three o'clock this morning because you kept my mind awake. I watched the sun's reflection rise in glass buildings, and wished the reflection was a different world, where I was who you were looking for.